How's that for an honest blog post title? If you are not familiar with the Yiddish term kvetch, here it is. Being joyful is a choice in attitude. Being joyful is something you choose to walk out - when times are good and when they suck.
However if I want to be completely transparent and honest, sometimes I choose to be a total kvetch. I choose to act badly toward my husband and kids. You know how it is....chronic sleep deprivation, feeling unwell, a perpetually messy house that no one seems to want to help me clean.
You know, I am so serious about owning my kvetchiness (did I just make up a new word again?) that I registered a new domain name: www.kvetchingchristianwife.com. Yup, I sure did. No, I am not creating a new blog - it will just redirect here. You see I can be both joyful AND a kvetch. I am kind of complicated (and highly flawed) like that.
Sometimes it is hard to choose the right attitude in marriage. I even struggle with it sometimes when things are rosy and running smoothly. Sometimes it is hard to choose a joyful attitude as a parent....you know when you are cleaning up vomit at 3 am off the carpet. Or maybe it's after listening to them whine continuously for four hours straight. Or maybe the kids haven't really done anything wrong per se, but you are just cranky.
Hello?
Don't get me wrong. I STRIVE to be joyful in attitude. My heart is to be in that space all the time. But that is not my reality. Is anyone else feeling me on this? I just had a conversation last week with GodTalk host Greg Glatz and we were talking about what integrity means to us. We both had very similar definitions. Integrity isn't about having it all together - or even presenting ourselves as if we do - because then their is incongruence which is the opposite of integrity.
Integrity to me is being really honest about all parts of who I am. The things I do well with AND the things I fail miserably at. There is something freeing to both myself and hopefully other people when they can see other people being honest about their shortcomings. "*Phew* she isn't perfect." In fact if you are looking for a book that talks about how important transparency is, I recommend Quinn's "Building the Bridge as you Walk on It". Great book - convicting and empowering.
I digress...sorry for the rabbit trail.
This post brings me to some recent and sad news that perhaps comes as no surprise. That is the demise of Jon and Kate Gosselin's marriage. We all know divorce stinks. I was married at 21 and went through the humiliation of my first husband's adultery and divorce followed. I am also a child of divorce so I know it stinks from every angle. I have read with keen interest the variety of posts and comments about the news that broke last night.
Some people were highly compassionate and merciful in their responses. Others were not. Listen, the divorce rate is about 50% and sadly it is NO different when it comes to Christian marriage. So out of the persons responding judgmentally and scornfully about Jon and Kate's behavior toward one another over the past seasons I am left wondering. How many of those people are having similar issues in their marriages? I would hazard a guess and say a lot.
I would hate to see how I would come across on television. 'Reality TV is NOT reality' as one smart cookie said on Facebook. It is edited for entertainment. Drama and controversy are entertaining. So what we have seen of this couple and of this family is not balanced, right? I have three kids and I can get pretty cranky. Sometimes, I don't act respectful to my husband. I would love to say that I always INTEND to act respectful toward him but, alas, that would be a big fat lie.
Sometimes he ticks me off. Sometimes my 'flesh' gets in the way and I don't FEEL like turning the other cheek and being joyful, okay?
Sometimes I am a big jerk on purpose.
Sometimes I feel like I am standing outside myself watching me act like a big jerk yet I can't seem to stop it. I see myself, at times, being disrespectful to my husband, or barking orders at my kids, yet I can't (or won't?) stop.
Back to Jon and Kate. I believe their intentions starting out were good. I believe, like every couple, that they felt like they would beat the divorce statistics. Apparently, the divorce rate for parents of multiples is three times higher. I don't think they looked into one another's eyes at the altar, standing before God, and said "Honey, one day I am going to treat you like total crap and quit our marriage." Come on, seriously.
I am not making any excuses for their behavior. The cameras have clearly captured some poor choices and poor behaviors. But hey, if I was on camera and under public scrutiny I wonder how much better I would look? I think some other people should seriously consider the same question. It's so easy to knock down and criticize other people but lets take an honest look. Statistics was never my strong suit in university. However even *I* can quickly calculate that at least a fair number of individuals throwing stones at Jon and Kate also live in a glass house. And, yes, if you have read my blog before you KNOW I point the finger right back at myself.
So this is me being honest. I am a Christian wife. Sometimes I am joyful. Sometimes I am a complete kvetch. On purpose. So seeing that I am such a highly flawed creature, albeit with the best of intentions, I will extend mercy and withhold judgment on their hearts and intentions and instead I will keep them in prayer. May wisdom and peace prevail.
As I have mentioned in past posts, I NEED mercy big time...and well, you reap what you sow.
Just Keeping it Real,
